Days without Kee(25)...(8th December 2009)

Today she finally reply me.
Not sure what I should feel....
I can only say that it is pure depression and I think that there isn't any hope left between us...
Anyhow, I can't bring myself to understand the situation...
I just wanna cry out loud! Wanna do something to forget her, ignore everything that is happening to me...
How nice if everything is just a mere dream...

Have you ever felt that the world just isn't at your side when you really need it?
Well, I have and always be!
But I really wanna thank the world because I was given a chance to grow up.
And I also wanna thank her too. Even if the situation is really terrible, I'm able to stand up and face it :)
New challenge for me hehe^^
Even when the world isn't being fair, it will never fail to put something in to balance up the cons we are experiencing. There's pros and cons, just that one need to really see through and stand up.
Might be a bit deep :D
But, this is true ^^

Anyhow, I will still continue doing what I had planned for her.
Even if she doesn't wants to see me, I will still put effort in.
This will be my love story~
A love that doesn't have a partner. A love that can only convey from one side but can never reach the other side...
Sometimes I feel that I'm stupid...
Well, this is what you call " LOVE"
A sacrifice made with no return ^^

Kee, the day I met you, I will never stop loving you and it will always be.
Love you from the bottom of my heart <3

What says you?

Days without Kee(20)...(3th December 2009)

Well, here I go round and round again ...
My brain just hurts zzzzz!!!
Mentally weak perhaps..omg!
Need to strengthen it more haha!

Today is the first day where all our class lecturer started to teach even it is still add and drop section.
Had static class, Dilo and circuits 2 :D
Sort of regretting taking so many subjects but I think from now onwards I just need to do my best and make a timetable D:

As she said, a chance for you and not for the relationship...
I will make sure that I can prove myself and one day you will see that in me.
As I grow stronger everyday, I felt myself to be another person...
Weird eh? Really weird..
Still I can't show you the me now, but somehow I know that you are always waiting for that day..
One day honey, one day...love you always!
cause you always be my baby~

What says you?

Days without Kee(19)...(2th December 2009)

Back from camp on the 26th of November and bla bla~
Then new semester started...
Will be going to be a busy day from now onwards hehe :)

Can't say things have patched up between us but it seems that the situation is getting worse...
What can I do?
She is started to ignore my texts and hangs my calls...
Even if my love instinct says there is something there and I need to pursue it,
By thinking these few days...I just can't seems to dig out any relevant answers...
There is finite questions but infinite answers...
Asked from girls to guys and to a girl which seems similar to her...
Well? infinite answers :D

Last night before I sleep.
I thought of something real pleasant ^^
Well....
Won't tell yet but it will be up in few months time.
Kee, I still love you no matter what!

What says you?

Days without Kee(6)...(19th November 2009)

Woke up today with a weird feeling...
As in my eye sight is dark and I can't really see the surrounding clear as ever...
Had this plan planned and I proceed with it...

Didn't know that while I was busy searching for something, my eye failed on me....
I met with an accident...
My sis's new MYvi had....
Don't wanna explain much....
I looked at the damage and I stunted...speechless...
When the victim came down from his car...I was shivering...I don't wanna go to court...
I still having my P license....help!!!!!

Take a wild guess for the later event.
Won't post here..

What says you?

Days without Kee(5)...(18th November 2009)

Today, I woke up with different attitude...
My old self has come back ...
Looked into the mirror and the first thing i say to myself is :" The world doesn't wants me anymore.."

Why has this negative feeling come back?
Is it because of the shock?

I guess so..
Anyhow, things have to change! I need to keep working on it!

What says you?

Days without Kee(4)...(17th November 2009)

Took a deep breathe...
Was able to suppress the depression of mine...
A friend told me that in order to cheer someone, you yourself must be happy :)
I'm starting to get a hold of myself and I gained confident for what I must do!

Still there's a gap in me but I mustn't lose and keep going strong!
Cheers!

What says you?

Days without Kee(3)...(16th November 2009)

When I was driving back from her house, I kept thinking what went wrong...
No matter what, I can only think of one reason..which is my immaturity in behaving..
Friends have consulted me and gave advice...varies advice...none...I SAY NONE is worth listening!
Guys don't be offended ok? I'm different and please forgive me.

I tried everything I could, but none gave any progress...
Then I recalled a phrase..:"Thoughts inflicts by emotion but not heart. Listening to the heart will show you what is hidden."

I'm listening to my heart and it says keep on GOING!
Yes, I took it for granted but if I let it go, my heart will fail on me...and he will not cooperate with me anymore.
I will not smile anymore...not a true one...
A fake smile, a fake smile...will always be categories as a lier...
And it hurts for me to smile in front of my family and friends...
Even now...trying to look at the mirror and smile...
Tears just spurs and roll down my cheek, wet my shirt and keep on repeating...

What says you?

Days without Kee(2)...(15th November 2009)

Things kept repeating itself...
Can't sleep well,no appetite, no mood in anything....
What on earth had happened to me?
Can anyone help me get through this?

What says you...

Days without Kee(1)...(14th November 2009)

Couldn't sleep well with the extreme shock I've received...
Woke up 6 in the morning and wall gazed ...
Days have been very dull since then...life have messed up...lost of direction...
As she has been my light...and I still want her to be...

Couldn't forgive myself for the act I've done back then but something came to my mind...
There ain't a cab as comfy as this one!
Tried to filled every wrong doing with solution....
Tried to convince her back!
And I will keep trying and won't give up like back then...
People choose to give up cause this is the most crucial period of a relationship...
My friend asked me to move on but I insisted to stay as this option is the path for a greener future.
Who knows what will happen? I gonna love her more after this is done and that's for sure!

Couldn't try to implant positive thoughts into hers as hers is filled negatively...
Yes, I'm upset but this must not happen anymore!
I must change! I cannot afford to stay like a small kid whining over love not return immediately, goes emotional over answers answered differently from what I expected!
If I couldn't even change this, can I even keep a relationship?
I keep question myself...
I guess not! Don't cry over spilled milk.
That's is what people usually says.
I don't cry over spill milk but retrieve back using a cloth and put it back into a cup?
It's true that the milk won't taste as good as it is anymore but still the milk is there, through filtering out the dirt and add more new ones, the milk will change from dirty to a clean milk.
Yes, there's more work to it but if I don't try, I will regret for life....

As I said, I will make up for my wrong doings!
So don't give up on this relationship also!
Much love <3

What says you?

Bad day...(13th november 2009)

Got a text from my gf and she said lets go Bukit Tinggi tomorrow which is today.
So i got jacked up and prepared everything for the outing...
I woke up early in the morning and went to her place after I got ready.
Mom asked me to help her buy something from Bukit Tinggi so I agreed.
After all the hassle waking up and getting ready, the driver arrived and we are ready to go.
At first he says that he don't know how to go and I told him it is easy so and so..
He nodded and I thought he was going to drive but we end up at the KTM station...

We were to take bus from KL sentral to Bukit Tinggi but there ain't any...
We end up shopping at KLCC...as im not a shopping guy, it is really killing me...
I was upset and I told her bout the promised I made to my mom and I wanted to go there instead of shopping here, she replied: Why didn't you voice out?
How can I? It will be no manners as I'm not the one who is having the car..
Then this and that happened....

In the end we broke up....
It is not easy for me at all...
She is the only girl who knows me well and I still want her back!
I am selfish but what to do?
This is relationship and I love her very much which is infinite!
I wan her! I wan her!
Will try my best to sort things out hopefully things go smoothly and back to normal...

Honey I love you! Please please don't go!

Have you loved or love anyone?
Share out loud!

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Love...

Well, the main purpose I create this page is to blog about my love life....
Will bring in those from my previous blog and will update both sides.
This for my love life and that blog for general blogging :)

I think it is appropriate to do this as not much people wanna read this :D
Oh well....things happened between me and my ex(Kee) and I think that our real love has only begun....

Cheers everyone :D

What says you?